© 2017 Michael Swickard, Ph.D. “No man
has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.” Abraham “Honest Abe” Lincoln
This year my resolution is that I am
going to cut out lying. It is such a habit for me to lie. Sometimes it seems
the only thing I can do. Often the people that I am dealing with know that I am
lying and they prefer a lie.
Example: I am at the hospital for a
routine blood test. Every time I go I must start from scratch. I was born as a
small child at Holloman Air Force Base August 24, 1950 at 11:35 a.m. in
delivery room B. Yep, we get all the paperwork out there with my numbers and
names which are always photocopied again. Then the lie.
I am given my paperwork to read and
either initial where indicated showing that I read that paragraph or at the
bottom of some pages to sign and date to show I read it all. What a liar I am.
I rapidly scribble my initials and sign the bottom of the many pages and hand
the packet back.
The counter person always sees I
didn’t read anything but doesn’t rat me out for being the liar that I am.
Same at Comcast and Verizon. I am
handed a couple pounds of paperwork and told to read and sign it. I am done in
less than a minute. The representative doesn’t blink that I read lightning fast
and, get this, I understood what I had read before I initialed and signed the
many sheets of paper.
This is a quandary for me because I
hate lying. As I grew up, lying was a real offense. Get caught lying and the
day turned sour. While there were three of us kids, my mother seemed to know
which one of us was not telling the truth.
One time I told my rehearsed lie and
my mother said, “Michael, that is a lie. I can see it on your forehead. The
next time I told a lie, I held my hand over my forehead and she still saw
through it though she turned to my father and said, “He gets that from your
side of the family.”
Incidentally, she could see through
both hands and a cap. And there were severe consequences for not telling the
truth. So, in my family we were plain-spoken and just said what the truth was
without trying to hide it. The punishment for doing wrong was much better than
the punishment for doing wrong and lying about it.
This is why it pains me to tell such
big lies about actually reading the paperwork that I was supposed to read. Therefore,
this year I am turning over a new leaf and when I must initial and sign
paperwork I swear I will read it. All of it. You have my word on this.
I intend to pack a lunch and drink
whenever I go to places that have those many pages of lawyer words that are
supposed to be signed. You have seen the documents that read: … the party of the first part with the party
of the second part and the party of the first part with the party of the second
part with the party of the first part and second part blah blah blah.
Perhaps I should take a pillow also
since that puts me to sleep. I know if anyone really understands those words,
some lawyer will get fired since they are not meant to be understood. And the
terms on the paper are not negotiable even if you somehow understand them.
Further, I promise to not repost hoax
news. This will be a snap because I can look stuff up easily. You have my word
on this to only post what I know is true. I will forego political sites since
lying and politics are bedfellows.
I’ll let you know how the counter workers
handle me spending hours reading every last word.
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