© 2017 Michael
Swickard, Ph.D.
At the
hospital for a blood test I was asked, “When and where were you born?” I answered,
“I was born August 24, 1950 at 11:35 a.m. in Delivery Room B, Holloman Air
Force Base Hospital with Capitan Wilbur Anderson attending.” Yep, they looked
up.
I find so
much funny day to day. Example: one day when I was doing talk radio I found a newspaper
story that workers at the Federal Mint were striking. I read the headline,
“Union workers at the Federal Mint strike demanding to make less money.”
My motto
is: blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to
be amused. At a Sonic, there was a gap of time between when I pushed the button
and the order taker answered. She said, “Sorry for the wait…” I immediately
said, “I’m not sorry, I got this extra weight here and enjoyed every bite of it.”
The order
takers said, “What?” I replied, “Never mind.”
I love two
story buildings with an elevator. When someone walks in I ask, “Which floor?”
They look confused and say, “Two.” I punch the button and reply, “Good choice.”
I have
always admired cartoonists so much so that many years ago I started a cartoon
strip and actually got one newspaper to carry it. The name was: In The Dark. All that was shown was the
talking bubbles on a dark background. The dialog was funny such as: Why are the
classroom lights off… budget cuts… what are we studying? The Dark Ages.
Several
months into the run the newspaper editor asked me, “What do your characters
look like?” I replied, “They look like they are standing in the dark.
He got a puzzled
look on his face and asked, “You don’t know how to draw, do you?” I smiled,
“Not even a stick figure so that’s why they are in the dark.” Go figure, he
cancelled the strip and called it the stupidest thing he had ever seen. Perhaps
it was, but I can put cartoonist on my writing credits.
A couple
of sayings: Doing it the hard way is always easier. And, easy money is always
the hardest. Lead me not into temptation… I can find it myself. If you keep
your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
There was
a question sent to some electrical workers in a neighborhood after a resident called
management to report that they were cursing. The reply was, “Me and Amos was
climbing up a pole when Amos dropped all his tools on my head so I said to him ‘Please
be more careful’ or words to that effect.” I find that funny.
The NMSU Aggie Football team was on a 17 game losing streak
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